Walking Kaleidoscope

A hug sometimes to comfort me, sometimes to comfort yourself.  A gentle squeeze of hand sometimes to give me confidence, sometimes to yourself. A shared silence where you know you are close. So much gets lost in the name of "responsibility". Can I be "irresponsible" then? Why is intimacy only physical? Why can't it transcend to emotional? Where do I derive strength from ? Physical or emotional or responsible?

From my window sill, the world is still passing by. Two hands still hold out today.  One promises of exciting times but can never tell me when will it appear again. One promises of a dull life but is always there when I fail. A sea of emotions was once falling on me.  The waves were crashing on hopes of an exciting future...the hand held out..mine. No one came to save. I swam past it. The hand appeared again, in another time when the water was less turbulent...but I couldn't dare to hold out the hand again..mine.  The road was winding down the mountains.  There was no obvious wind, no immediate danger around.  I never held out a hand, I couldn't dare ofcourse.  A hand appeared though..and it just does always..even when I don't ask for it.  It walks beside me, not making itself necessary but being away from unnecessary.

 "My teacher said that there are three prominent seasons which we can experience in Kolkata. Summer, Winter and Monsoon. But what about Autumn and Spring?" .. The heat of summer, the chill of winter and the rains of monsoon are physical experiences. But autumn and spring are emotional experiences. The falling leaves of autumn are like a drive through memory lane, of everything lost in the journey of life, which still brings a smile to your face. Only your heart knows that in the hidden memory of the autumn leaves, there are conversations in which a lot was lost and still so much was found. The "sharad aakash" is hope of good old times coming back. Of Ma coming back. Of meeting with that old crush. Of last few days of warmth. That pristine azure blue sky with floating shards of white cotton clouds is the memory of shared ice creams and cotton candies. Its the symbol of old meeting with the new. The spring is a season of victory, of having survived the harsh winter...

It's movie night tonight and after ages we have decided to indulge into some romance. After 8 long years of watching animations and child centric movies, I seriously crave for some good old-causing-butterfly-in-my tummies type of romance. The practical aspects of life simply wipe off the wonder element from relationships, leaving me with the only option to drool over some virtual distance , third party romance. It's nice to see the lead actors wealthy, indulging each other in extravagant gifts, the desperate kisses and wistful goodbyes. Dreamily staring at the screen I speak to myself "this guy is really handsome!". Almost after a minutes' pause my companion for the movie, a young girl of 8, asks me innocently, "Why do you find him handsome?". I wonder how silly is that comment, how can she not see the broad shoulders, the height, the poise, the charming demeanour..the et all of the knight in shining armour? I restrain the line of thought into a statm...

Its been a sultry hot day and all I can think of is lemonade and hitting on my console to finish the game that I have kept on turn based mode, but that has to wait, it seems. I have a Happiness Quotient test tomorrow and need to study some historical events to just find the missing neuron burst to get the perfect score. I plug my sensors to the system and pick up the dated sheets of papers which were then called " Books ". The program has directed me to page titled 2020. Its a weird sensation feeling the pages and the hand movement is definitely consuming more effort than clicking pages in my system, but the program insists on doing this exercise. Apparently, it is recording the reactions. I try to sneak up to the Emotion Meter flashing on my screen, but don't really understand the maze of lines and bars. Grudgingly I turn to reading the contents of the page. Apparently, in 2020, world faced a challenge called Novel Coronavirus. Immediately my program screen flashes giv...

I am an Indian and I care for my country! If I don't say it enough, I might just forget it. I live in a democracy, oh my God, did I just say it? History taught me britishers played divide and rule. Social media taught me, then and now, we follow the same rule. We are known to Find solutions, hey wait, I am talking about tax evasions. I swear about every issue in my country, I worry. Cleaning the streets, teaching the slums.. Hush, what's the hurry! A Mc donalds in my country is celebrated, The local vadapav guy shut shop, is seldom noted. Zara, mango, Gucci, Armani..we are tolerant to all. I got a dress stitched by my naani, am Ashamed to show it at all. My forests are fast depleting, my rivers are fast getting choked.. This is trivia. The country is fast developing, let no one fool you at all. I love my country, pls don't get me wrong. It's just the way we are. Obviously, it's just the way we are, which is why we are where we are. If governments...

I always knew my son was on the wrong path.. I always reasoned with him, I begged him to stop. He said his fight was for the right and he did not care about his plight. I gave up on him, I did not give up on hope. I prayed every single day when death came to him, let it be swift. Swift it was, broken into million pieces. The world knew about it. What they didn't know of, was the million deaths I died. I always knew my son was on the right path. I still reasoned with him, begged him to stop. I told him the war was not ours. He said this war was for the right and he just had hours. I gave up on him, I did not give up on hope. I prayed every single day, when death came to him, let it be swift. Swift it was, broken into million pieces. The world knew about it. What they didn't know of, was the million deaths I died. Terriorism is a collective failure of politics and politicians, the price of which is paid by millions.

Yesterday I walked by a busy road. I had had a bad day. The breakfast was not good, the kids were unhappy about the tiffin, the husband got late for a meeting, the maid didn't turn up, the lift was not working.. Phew! The walk was a breather. Amongst the crowd I was lonely. That's the way with things no? The more you are surrounded the more lonely you are?  More than loneliness, there was a sense of emptiness. A lack of purpose. I couldn't figure out why I was walking to where I was walking? What was the objective of my walk? What would I achieve out of it? I took a moment to stand and look at the lasser bys. One female who seemed to be walking in her reverie seemed of interest. She was walking just the way I was a few moments ago. Like some cosmic connect, she looked up, and smiled. Like she understood. Like she knew what I was thinking. For a brief instant we felt like we read each others thoughts. Her smile never faded. I noticed mine too was spreading. We crossed ...

Despite the pre-puja pandal work and a buzzing market nearby, the lane to the quaint cafe was deserted. That was only till you entered the space. The moment you stepped in, there was a sense of vibrancy, warmth, activity. The people, smell, conversations were part of the decor in this quaint cafe. I wanted to meander and absorb in the ambiance. Small cubicle like rooms had people spread out at leisurely pace. There in one of the rooms she was. Vibrant as ever. Exuding a kind of radiance which only self confidence can. Don't know why, but I felt like just observing her. Just being in her presence felt like being closer to life..and I wanted to tell her that. That's when our eyes locked. A fleeting recognition passed through hers. A playful smile that added an extra twinkle to the eye and a promise of life.  Its not the first time when I felt like a stranger knew what I was thinking, was reading my mind. I moved past the scene. The recognition was warming my heart and at the sam...

If you are woman, at some point of time or other you have felt like giving it up.. To prove that you are capable. To prove that you are not the weaker sex. To prove that you have intelligence. To prove that you don't need to prove. It's exhausting. More so, when you need to prove this to a woman. More so, when you want to protect a woman (to be) from this journey. If you are a woman, you have felt at some point of time or other that the approval, encouragement, support, love of a woman has meant much more, pushed you much more than a man's has. And yet, the biggest hurts are inflicted by woman around you... As the saying goes.. Humko Mita sake ye gairon me Kahan dum tha, meri kashti thi doobi wahan jahan paani Kam tha. 

 I recently had the privilege to talk to a group of parents and children (7-14 yr old) on perils of Digital communication at a workshop. I went in assuming whole lot of gyan, but what surprised me was the children giving all the gyan ..against digital medium. And now before you exult on the generation being saved from the evil clutches..a la star wars style..No, our kids are not giving up on digital medium. Not anytime soon. While this bunch was totally well informed about why they must not spend so much time on gadgets, it also explained why it wont give up on it. Here, I am listing few of the things why they love to spend time on gadgets and where I think their thoughts have come from. 1. Competitive streak - As parent we all want our kids to excel in their chosen fields. We are the first source where they learn that coming first in class gets you rewarded. Coming last, is not a good thing. it does not matter that you were a Picasso competing in a class of Einstein...

Marriage as they say is sacred in India (at least). An institution that classifies a relationship between a man and a woman as pure. What it also does classify any emotion beyond this relationship for the opposite sex as inappropriate, guilt laden and sinful (to an extent). Having been a person who thinks from heart, I find this hypothesis very unsettling. Agreed that I choose one person over others to commit myself to. But that choice comes at a point of time and time is not a stationary object. Also, I do believe that all human beings suffer from multiple personality disorders (or orders if you want it to be). With some people our funny side comes out, with others competitive. We find it relaxing in some peoples company and in some peoples company our passionate self comes out. Some people bring out the good in us and some people bring out or worst selves. Over a long period of time, it is possible to see the multiple personalities of the same person as well. However, to put this ...

We all have few checklists in life for which we have no reasons but we just want to tick the box. Visiting Gurudongmar and North Sikkim was one such item for me. After planning for 3 consecutive years and not succeeding, I finally managed it this year with my husband and kiddo along.  Day 1: A mid morning flight to Bagdogra and a rather chaotic and traffic struck drive took us to Gangtok by 7 PM. Our stay was at Hotel Prime View, which is pretty off the main market and rather peaceful, with very good food and hospitable staff. Gangtok is really a hill city bustling with traders, tourists and locals who come down to shop here for their regular supplies. Over the years it has grown beyond its capacity but there are spots for every type of tourists still..fine dine to local fare, desi to international cuisine, casinos and treks, night life and sleeping hamlets. We have explored Gangtok in our earlier trips and this time, it was just a night halt. Day 2: Our driver for the ...

We (Husband, 5 yr old kid and myself) decided to take a break from the regular hum drum of life. The choice this time was a road trip from Guwahati to Tawang. We had tried doing this circuit earlier as well in December but were dissuaded by reviews of extremely risky (read zero visibility on sharp turns) roads. This time however the weather seemed perfect to undertake the circuit.  While planning this trip, the first challenge we faced was fitting in everything in a 6 day duration. Ideal time to cover the circuit would be 8-10 days. We had to compromise on exploring the forest reserves (we wanted to cover Pakke, Nameri,  Doimara, Tenga if we had more time). Once the route was finalized the second challenge was finding accommodation. Due to festive season and political activities in the area, there was acute shortage and most online options were not available. We had to call some 20 people and take references of other hotels to get our bookings done finally. TIP- do...

So if the title has caught your attention enough, let’s get to the gory details. How many times have you thought of leaving your corporate job and then thought that “I possibly don’t have it in me” or “I wonder what it will be like”? Well if you are a mother and have a craving for a second/third or multiple children, let me help draw a parallel. Starting your own venture is just like conceiving a child. You do fuck every possible opportunity (idea) in the hope to get that one possible semen (feasible idea) to impregnate you. You try taking it easy (sabbatical), counselling (talking to people), medical assistance (mentors).. everything which will help you conceive. For those of you who have had difficulty conceiving your child, trust me, this will be no different (yes, here too some people do get lucky). World of advice for and against, magic mantras, divine blessings..be prepared to walk the entire gamut. Now that you finally succeed in conceiving, starts the fun part of it. ...

Banaras - A City which I had heard a lot about. A city which my husband loves to his core. A city which has always challenged all my inner fears (in stories related by friends and loved ones who have been there). I was pretty sure it was not my type of place and to be honest, it isn’t.  However, as a city, it has evoked one question in my mind and something which will haunt me for a while, till I find the answer. What is “my type” of place? I used to think that I am a pretty accommodating traveller and my kind of place needs to be nature, cool weather, peace and good food. My first real encounter with Banaras was with Manduadih railway station. Surprisingly clean and the ride to Godhulia Chowk was smooth. I was almost beginning to believe that people have scared me unnecessarily about this beautiful city. Just when I was happily strolling, looking around the whole galaxy of people all around me, a bull nearly runs past me. Nothing happens, but my heart is in my mouth an...

I often see people around me complaining about the kind of people that they are working with. Almost everyone seems to be dissatisfied with the organizational set-up or thinks that he is forced to accept far more inferior people as their superior. Organisations today are built on the principle of “Ram Rajya”. Set of rules defining the system machinery. Rules being more important than individual ambitions. I have read that Ram studied both the masculine way of leadership (No rules, creative freedom) and feminine way of leadership (Rigid Rules) before deciding on his way of governing an empire. His principles were to form very strong laws. Get very strong leaders to ensure that the law was adhered to. The leader itself being supremely responsible for the failure of the system and also a role model of the system. Therein lied the fallacy of the ram rajya. It could sustain up to the extent of peoples ambition and as long as the belief in honesty and inner peace appealed to people. Once,...

Travel is one of the most sought after escapade for people all around me. I am tempted to pen my 2 thoughts on how this important “escape” has changed in meaning with the changing phases of life. As a kid, I have  travelled a lot, and none by own design. The place was decided by my parents and so were all the arrangements. I just had to follow the itinerary. I don’t have exclusive memories of whether I have enjoyed those vacations or not..but I do have memories of the places I have visited..so am assuming that I must have enjoyed travelling back as a kid as well. These vacations were all about spending time with parents which otherwise was difficult when your father has to struggle to set up his business. The location, activity, FB quotient of the destination or the photographic opportunities didn’t matter. What mattered was spending time together. As I grew into a young lady, travel turned into business trips and accumulating air miles. “Living out of airport” was (i ass...